This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
