i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
