the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize