oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize