Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
