Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize