I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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