Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
