How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
