I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize