You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
