Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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