idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize