Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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