if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize