I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
