five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i dont even know how to be here
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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