She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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