how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
