Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just made me feel so damn special
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
