the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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