Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
