His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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