all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
