Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
