Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
