We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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