So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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