if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
