I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
