Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
