It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
