I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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