went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
