She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize