I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
