we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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