Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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