Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
