Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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