He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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