I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
