we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize