sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
