i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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