No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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