i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
