@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
