Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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