Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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