You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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