That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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