Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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