Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
