when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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