I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
