yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
