Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
