Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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