We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
