He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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