Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
