you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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