Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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