i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
