Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So many bounce houses so little time
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
