I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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