I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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