So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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