OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
