Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
