I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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