I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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