The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
