R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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