No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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