wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
