5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
