Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
